Filling the gap
You might think that recovery from an eating disorder is just that. You get rid of the eating disorder and when it's gone, it's gone. But if you think about it, there is much more to it than merely getting rid of that unhealthy but addictive habit. After all, getting rid of a bad habit always leaves a gap that needs to be filled. That's why keeping your old habit out is much easier if you replace it by a new habit.
Just take a moment and imagine what it would be like if you could just delete Anorexia from you life. Imagine it just isn't there anymore. You never think about it. You don't worry about what you've eaten and you go out to dinner without giving it a second thought. You don't weigh regularly and when your weight happens to be up you don't worry about it. You spend much less time buying food because choosing what to buy has gotten so much simpler. You don't read labels or add calories anymore. You don't read up on every new diet. You don't stand in front of the mirror thinking just how ugly you are. All the time and effort, all that thinking that now goes into Anorexia, would be unnecessary. Imagine all the time and brainspace you'd suddenly have, if Anorexia suddenly wasn't part of your life anymore.
You might not realize it, but if Anorexia was suddenly deleted from your life it would leave a huge gap. And that same gap will slowly start forming as you recover and step by step ban Anorexia from your life. And it's up to you to fill that gap. If you don't, it's going to be so much harder to keep from relapsing!
So how to fill this gap? First you need to ask yourself exactly what this gap is like. Is it time, effort, brainspace or all of these? Then you need to ask yourself: what am I missing? Basically filling the gap Anorexia has left or will leave in your life, is about taking your life back. That's your mission! Consider it a challenge, because it isn't easy.
Maybe you've slowly lost contact with the people you care about, with friends and family. Maybe you've stopped doing things you enjoy. Maybe you have forgotten how to relax or just be alone. It can be anything and everything. Ask yourself the question what Anorexia has taken from your life, because that is what you need to take back. Taking your life back involves seeing the fun in it again, finding your purpose in life, figuring out what you enjoy doing. This means: taking action. You might need to try a lot of different things until you find what feels right. Whatever you do, don't just sit back and wait it out. This gap won't fill itself. And unless you do something about it, it will make you feel empty and alone. Which, in turn, will lead you right back to Anorexia.
Of course, all this talk of a 'gap' is a bit vague and perhaps unsettling. So, make it more concrete. Talk about it, think about it, write about it... and most of all do something about it!
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