Misconceptions

Here are a few common misconceptions, some held mostly by Anorexics, others mostly by people who don't have an eating disorder. You might not even be aware of the fact that you believe some of these, but they can influence you.
I am not pretending to be an expert, so if you have any remarks about these, totally disagree, or simply have one to add, just let me know.

• Unless you are totally emaciated, you don't have Anorexia
  This is very much not true. Obviously, because of the focus on eating as little as possible and the effort to lose weight, most anorexics do look very skinny. But not everybody is equally 'good' at dieting, not everybody has the same opportunity to discreetly skip meals, not everybody starts out with the same weight. Just as there are a lot of factors that determine the weight of a person who doesn't have an eating disorder, there is an equally large amount of factors that determine the weight of an anorexic. Severe weight loss is one of the official criteria for Anorexia, somebody's weight has to be 15 % or more below their natural weight. Weight or your appearance, however, are NOT the main criteria, they are more like symptoms of your preoccupation with food. What counts is how you feel inside, how much brain space the calorie-counting, the planning, the weighing and the worrying take up. When eating or not eating has taken over your life, when it interferes with your normal activities, you have an eating disorder, whether it shows in your weight or appearance or not. It's a problem when it is a problem FOR YOU.
  You don't have to have all of the official symptoms; it's very possible your periods didn't stop, for example... A bit of a strange comparison, but it's kinda like a cold: different for everybody. Some have a running nose, others a stuffy nose, some cough, others don't… Like I said, it's how you feel inside that counts. There is even an official secondary category, the atypical eating disorders, so people that don't have the 'typical' form of Anorexia can still be diagnosed and then treated. Labeling a problem as 'eating disorder' is a means to an end, after all. When you know what it is, recognize it, then you can do something about it.

• A person with anorexia has no appetite / is not hungry
  The word anorexia is derived from the Greek word orexe, meaning appetite. Anorexia can therefore be translated as "decreased appetite". In medical science, anorexia is in fact the term used for a loss of appetite, for example associated with a physiological disease. However, in the case of the eating disorder Anorexia Nervosa (roughly translated as loss of appetite due to nervous causes), there generally is no loss of appetite. The term Anorexia Nervosa is confusing, because a person with anorexia usually is hungry, starving even, but nonetheless does not eat.

• You are weak for not being in as bad a condition as some others
  Quite the contrary… Of course there are people worse off. But that doesn't mean that they were stronger or anything, just the opposite. Obviously you realized you had a problem before they did, which isn't easy. You should count your blessings. It's a good thing to be doing relatively okay, even though it might make you feel as if you're not worth being called anorexic. You don't have to be in such bad shape, you have the right to say you have a problem and you have the right to look for help with this problem. Even though might not be the worst case ever. There is always somebody who is worse. The operative word being Worse, not better. You have the advantage here.
  Comparing, by the way, is something all anorexics do. How much does she eat, how much does that one weigh, does this person look thinner than me... and guess what? Most of the time, you feel you are the fattest, heaviest, ugliest... and so does the other person. If you feel somebody is worse off than you, be aware of the fact that your perception of yourself and others is distorted, which leads to an unfair comparison. Keep that in mind.

• It is impossible to overcome an eating disorder
  One of my greatest fears was that this would be true... But I realized I only needed to find one single person who has overcome her eating disorder, to prove this statement wrong. Well, I have read a lot of books, checked out a lot of sites, talked to quite a few people, both in person and through email... and I found such a person. More than one, in fact. So I can tell you with absolute certainty that it is possible. I don't know how many people pull it off, of course, but it can be done. Let that inspire you. Whether or not you get there it depends on you!

• Getting help is a sign of weakness
  I don't think so. I my opinion it's a sign of strength. It takes tremendous courage to admit to yourself that you have a problem, because when you do, you can't go around the fact that it will need fixing. It's anything but easy to admit you can't do it alone. Even though you don't have to do it alone, even though you're not the only one who needs help, even though this is just a terribly hard thing to deal with… It's really scary to go see some stranger and tell him or her about this problem you are having, which you are really quite ashamed of. All in all it's just exceptionally brave to decide you want to fight this, because you know it won't be easy, but you decide to do it anyway, and getting help shows even more courage.

• Normal eating will make you fat
  Thank goodness this isn't true. Naturally, when you are underweight, normal eating will cause you to gain weight. That's because your body wants nothing more than to function effectively, and in order to do that, it needs a certain weight. Normal eating will help you reach that ideal weight. When you eat normally and get some (not too much) exercise, once you reach that weight you will stop gaining.
  The problem, of course, lies with your perception of fat. A normal, healthy weight might seem fat to you. Even a very low weight might seem fat to you. And that is something you will have to work on changing - or accepting.

• Being thin solves all of your problems
  You wish! This is a misconception shared by many anorexics, and most aren't even aware of it. It's the conviction that when you reach a certain weight, or stay at a certain weight, below a certain weight, everything will be all right. Or more to the point, that when you gain weight, your life will fall to pieces, nobody will like you, you will feel totally awful...
  The reason I didn't and don't want to gain weight is that I fear that being fat will make me feel miserable. Unfortunately, in my mission to become as thin as possible... I feel quite miserable. I am not fat, but I am miserable anyway. I still don't want to get fat, but there is a middle ground here, there is 'normal', in addition to fat and skinny. And 'normal' won't make you feel miserable, because you will look good, you will feel good, and you won't have any trouble remaining 'normal', so you can spend a lot of extra time on solving other problems that might make you feel miserable. That's why it's important to fight your eating disorder.

• Only girls get eating disorders
  Unfortunately... no. I only focus on girls because I am one, and one who doesn't know anything about eating disorders in men, but I can tell you that one in twenty patients is male!

• The only thing a person with Anorexia has to do to get better is start eating again
  I wish. If it were that easy, there wouldn't be anybody with Anorexia. Unfortunately Anorexia involves a lot more than just not eating, that's only a symptom. People with Anorexia are often perfectionists, they ask too much of themselves. They often feel bad about themselves, don't like who they are. There are a lot more things going on than just a refusal to eat. When you decide to start eating again, it's not over yet. It can still be on your mind the entire day. Besides, starting to eat again isn't that simple. It's like trying to quit smoking. You want to, and it seems so easy, just don't smoke... But it's not that simple. Realizing that is a first step in understanding this illness better.

• Having an eating disorder is only about your weight
  No. Your weight is only a symptom, a projection. It's merely the amount of gravity you generate, a representation of how much room you take up. It's a conceptualization of how you look, to you a high weight meaning ugly and a low weight meaning beautiful. But an eating disorder, even though the fear of gaining weight, becoming fat, is more profound, it is about a lot more, about being in control for example, about feeling safe... That's what needs the most attention, that's what needs real work, what's behind it, the 'why'.

• If I eat more than my friends do (or seem to) I do not have Anorexia
  No. As with weight, every person is different. Some people need more food than others in order to function, simply because their bodies work differently. You can do a lot of comparing, but in the end it's only about you. Your friend or relative can be okay on half of what you eat. Just as there are thin people without Anorexia and not so thin people with Anorexia, there are people that eat very little, but are perfectly fine, and people that don't even eat that little and have Anorexia.

• People with an eating disorder are weak and have no willpower (or they would beat it)
  The opposite is true. People with an eating disorder are anything but weak, they often have enormous willpower. That's why we manage to stick to our 'diet', to eat almost nothing and still do everything we used to -or more. The fact that this willpower is being used to keep from eating doesn't make it any less. This does mean that this huge amount of willpower could also be used to fight the eating disorder and beat it. If you have an eating disorder and doubt your ability to beat it, try to realize how much willpower you must have, in order to manage to eat this little and still keep going. You might not always be aware of it, but you do have it. Then think of what you could do with that willpower, if you used it to fight your Anorexia... she doesn't stand a chance!

• People with Anorexia do it on purpose, they just decide to stop eating one day
  Nope. It's something that happens gradually, a habit that develops over time. It usually begins with ordinary dieting, but it grows out of control. In a way it's just like a drug addiction, you try it, do it some more, and before you know it you are hooked. Some people are more susceptible to it than others, many people have no trouble using drugs in moderation, just like most people have no trouble dieting in moderation: they start, but they can stop again. But others get 'addicted', they can't stop, but only realize they can't when they are stuck with it. So it's not a conscious decision at all, there is nothing purposeful about it.