You face a decision, maybe the most important one ever. What do you want to do, do you want to recover or not?
You might feel powerless and out of control. You might feel like you have no say in it, be surprised to hear this called a choice. But it really is. This isn't some illness you have no control over, something that just happened to you. That doesn't mean that one day you just decided you would become anorexic, of course not. This happened gradually and you probably didn't even realize it at the time. Right now, however, you do. You realize what's going on. And that means you have a choice.
You might feel that right now is not the right time to start recovery, because you still have doubts. Maybe you feel that recovery is something that will simply happen to you one day, that there will be a time when you will ready for it, when you will have no doubts at all. But I can tell you right now that that day will never come. There will always be doubts, you will never not be afraid of what's coming. Even though there will be days when you feel very strongly about it, you will never be completely convinced that you want to recover. If you did, you wouldn't need to recover at all, because then your fears would be gone and it would in fact simply be about eating right and gaining your weight back. Trust me, it will always be scary and frightening, it will always seem huge, and you will always feel conflicted about it. This means that you cannot wait until you do feel ready. Waiting for that means deciding not to recover, and this is too big a decision to not think through.
Even though starting recovery or not starting recovery is a choice, a decision, it's not an easy one. To somebody else it might seem an obvious one, but it isn't. Most decisions involve a weighing of the advantages and disadvantages and the value they have for you, and this is no different. It's not a done deal, the choice is yours to make. It's a matter of looking at the options, comparing them and choosing the one you prefer. And because the advantages and disadvantages are different for everybody, everybody will make the decision in a different way.

There are two options. One: you choose to recover and you accept the pleasant (eg. feeling more energetic) and the not so pleasant (eg. gaining weight) consequences, both short term and long term. These will be different for everyone. Two: you choose not to recover and accept the pleasant (eg. feeling in control) and the not so pleasant (eg. dying) consequences, both short term and long term. These too are different for everyone.

Yes, there are ONLY TWO options. You might think there are in fact other options. You might think that there is a middle ground, that you can somehow take some of the advantages of recovering and some of the advantages of not recovering. Well, you can't. You can try, but all it will do is make you feel miserable, because you will end up with the disadvantages of both options. There is no compromise, no cheating. You might think that you can refrain from choosing or postpone making a decision. Well, you can't do that either. If you don't choose, you choose not to recover. You HAVE to choose and you have to choose one of these two. Maybe that sounds really frightening, and like you're being forced into something, like something else has power over you and is making you choose. But if you feel this way, stop and realize, truly realize, that you have a choice. Having a choice is such a luxury. This is your life and yours alone. What you do with it is your choice. You have the freedom of making that choice, and it can be whatever you want, either option.
But there are also TWO options. It is possible to recover, if you want to, you can. It is an option. I am doing it, and there are a lot of others out there who are doing it, so why couldn't you? It is not easy, is a huge fight and it takes time. But if you want to, you can do it. Sure, it's true that there are people that try to recover and don't make it. That's not because they cannot recover, because the anorexia is too strong or because they are too weak. I believe that if you don't make it through recovery, you don't have the right motivation. You might feel like the advantages of the anorexia outweigh the disadvantages for you. You don't really want to recover, but you feel you should want to, so you try and fail. And that's really not very surprising, if you don't really want to recover... you need the right motivation. It's not about willpower, because we all have that. How else would you be able to starve yourself? It is about how you use that willpower, to what end.
This isn't meant as a judgment. Of course I would want everybody to recover, because I truly believe that every single person with anorexia would feel so much better once they got through recovery. But it's not my decision to make. If you decide recovery is not what you want, and you want to stay anorexic, I am sorry about that, but it is your choice.
However, as condescending as this might sound, you need to keep in mind that if you don't eat enough, after a while your brain goes into sleep-mode. It doesn't function the way it should, because the available energy is needed for more urgent things like keeping you alive. That doesn't mean you're crazy or that you can't think straight. However, it does mean that your brain doesn't work the way it normally would and that it's very possible that your reasoning is affected. I urge you to talk about this decision with others that you trust, people that won't simply try to talk you into recovering, but who will listen to you and help you get things clear. Write down how you feel about this, putting it down on paper can help you sort things out. Make lists of the advantages and disadvantages of both options, be thorough. Consider what both options would mean for you and the people you care about, for your present and your future. But most of all, be honest. It doesn't matter how weird or strange your motivations and reasons sound, be honest with yourself. That is the only way you can make a well thought-out decision, and you owe that to yourself.